cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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