Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
