Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
