my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
