remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
