Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
