you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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