She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
