and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
