I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
