We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
