I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
