yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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