We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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