dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
