I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
