I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize