do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
