I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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