I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
