Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
