Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love having hate sex.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize