Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
