My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
