exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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