He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
