this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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