i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
