How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
