Soap is not a condiment
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
