$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
