please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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