Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
