I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
