My room smells like vodka and shame
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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