her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
