I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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