did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
