he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
