roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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