I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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