Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There are leaves in my underwear?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
