Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
