we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize