boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
