playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
