The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize