I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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