He kissed a someone with a penis
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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