Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
