we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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