You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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