He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
