Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
