yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
