I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
