Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
