You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
