OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize