She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
