I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
