we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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