I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
