he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
