It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize