Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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