I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
