i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
