He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
