I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
