you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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