her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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