I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
