Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
