I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
