my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
