Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Soap is not a condiment
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
