YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
