dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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