I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just forgot I was standing up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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