Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
