Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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