But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
