census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
