I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
did you just send me my own nude
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
