CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
