So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
