"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
